Sometimes in life things can be slow to start. Even the bad. Like dominoes, after you’ve spent all that time carefully lining them into formation. Sometimes you get the lines completed and knocking them down is all in fun and joy as they sync together while toppling in your creative pattern. And other times some form of unplanned energy comes along and topples them before you’re finished, ruining everything you’ve worked so hard to put together. And there they fall one by one…stress on the job knocks into you being fired, which knocks into you not qualifying for any assistance because of how it happened, which knocks into you attempting to start a business, which knocks into you realizing you don’t even know what you’re doing, which knocks into your fears kicking in and adding to your stress…on and on and on. Eventually though, somewhere at the end, you know the dominoes have to stop falling. There’s only so many after all. At some point they have to stop falling so you can pick them back up again. So you can start setting them up again and hope that this time around you’ll complete your design without interruption.
That’s why it’s taken so long for me to make this first official post, to even get this blog started at all. When I started creating it, I thought I had it made. I got into a PCA job, my first time in the profession. A friend had helped me get into it, and even though it didn’t go the way we were hoping, I’m glad she did because I believe things happen for a reason. But as I was setting things up for the blog things in that house changed…and I didn’t know it at the time, but it wasn’t for the better like we thought was happening.
I still don’t know what direction to go with on this blog, so I’m just going to probably start it off more like a journal. I’ll try to be creative and keep my viewers amused. But hey, life happens and it’s not always pleasant. Sometimes you need someone outside your “normal” circle to share things with, to see things from a different viewpoint, so you can decide if you need to take yet another step back, or if it’s time to move forward again. Even if nobody’s really listening…or reading…just to get it off your chest.
So yes, no job, not much for help from the state or county, and yes, I did dive into starting a business with the little bit of money I had left to cover my bills. I didn’t really stop and think about how long it would take to get things going. So yesterday I had dived into six different applications for jobs, because as much as I want this business to get going, I need money to cover my bills and mortgage while I’m getting to that point! I have until the end of February before things start looking ugly financially. I hate asking for help…
My housework has fallen behind because I’ve been so focused on either applying for jobs or working on my blog site, or the business website. Figuring out how much to charge people for my services and how to do more than what I’ve been walked through to do already has me stuck in a mental rut right now. But I’ve picked a couple sources…whatever I can suck up for free and collaborate to make this happen.
Then I think to take myself away from it all, to breath so I don’t mess up more, give my vision a rest so I don’t get sucked into doom scrolling…which I have anyway. I end up watching movies or TV shows, I seem to have been sucked into this screen addiction that much of the world suffers from with all these electronics lately. I can’t stay focused on physical books; I have waited until the last minute to handle chores. I feel guilty though I can’t figure out why. Then my dog barks like he’s going to murder whoever’s on the other side of the door, scares me enough to snap me out of it, and I tiptoe off to find the nearest heavy flashlight to bash in a noggin if I must!! Only to find out it was nothing…possibly the wind, or the gargoyle squirrel (I mean she perches on the one end of the peak of my roof daily…so yes, she’s a gargoyle!), or Neighbor R’s cat who likes to hang around my house instead (even before I lived in it). No packages were expected, so I’m not sticking my head out further than looking onto the porch. I think it was just the wind this time, the porch isn’t well sealed, and the air pressure changes, pushing the door between the two open. It scared me a few times before he came to live with me. I’m glad he’s with me now, I feel safter.
So yes, this blog here, this is just a release of stress by opening up to the general public that I hope to find more friends in some day. To remind those of you that need to hear it that we all have our ups and downs, and we just need to remember that at some point what’s gone bad must get better again. We just need to be patient and keep our heads up while we get through it. And we’re never alone.
On the brighter side, I have an official business!! And I did most of the laundry, vacuumed the area rug, and the dishes got done today. I’m not normally lazy enough to not keep these caught up, so yes, I’m proud of these “dominoes” I’ve stood back up.
Please, when you’re feeling negative, always remember at the end of the day to dig for the positive things that have happened in the midst of it all, because those things get buried and forgotten when you’re distracted with your world falling apart. They are the water and sunshine that feed your inner seeds that will grow happily again someday.
Blessed Be
